The Mission of Marriage
Homily for Twenty-Seventh Sunday – 3 October 2021
This Sunday’s Gospel is not easy to preach on. People who are listening might fall into different categories with respect to this teaching on marriage. At any given time among those listening there are people whose marriages have come to an end; there are widows; there are people who are in difficult marriages; there are people who have always wanted to be married and the opportunity has not presented itself; there are those who are not married yet; and of course, there are those who are for the most part in successful marriages.
Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce in today’s Gospel passage is enormously challenging. The Pharisees tried to test Jesus on this topic precisely because it was such a contentious one. It was a difficult issue in the time of Jesus and in fact in the time of Moses, centuries before, and it remains an area of great difficulty and suffering today. We tend to think that it is only in our times that marriage and family life are in trouble; that divorce and challenges to the family are common, but that it is not true. In ancient times, in the time of Jesus, marriage and family were in a mess, as has been the case for most of human history. This means that the teaching of Jesus on marriage in that time is deeply relevant to us in our time.
The Pharisees were out to trap Jesus. What a pity that they did not engage him to sincerely ask his opinion. At the time different rabbis were giving different reasons that would make divorce legitimate. In most cases the reasons given by far favoured men, given the patriarchal society of the time. According to some rabbis, men could seek divorce for trivial reasons like disapproving of their wives’ cooking or if they came across a woman who they regarded as somewhat prettier than their current wives. No wonder the prophet Malachi, in the last book of the Old Testament, says that God hates divorce.
In replying to the Pharisees, Jesus referred to the concession that Moses gave in allowing divorce, saying that it was given because of the hardness of the people’s hearts. In other words, it was something reluctantly allowed because of the sinfulness of the people of Israel. Jesus then went on to teach what God intended for marriage right from the beginning. God’s intention for marriage is lifelong exclusive faithfulness. In this, Jesus quoted from the account of creation in the book of Genesis, which is our first reading for this Sunday.
Even as we consider Jesus’ teaching with sensitivity and compassion for those whose lives have been marked by the difficulty of divorce, we must equally consider the beauty of Jesus’ teaching on marriage and that of God’s intention for marriage right from the beginning. Just because marriage is not everywhere and at all times perfectly expressed, nor is it possible, this does not detract from the goodness of the institution. Just because not everyone is married or happily married does not mean that we cannot talk about what God intends for marriage. Beautiful things, valuable things, don’t come easily, or cheaply. The beauty and magnificence of married love means that is precious and at the same time, costly and challenging.
The Second Vatican Council taught that Marriage is a sacrament in which husband and wife are consecrated. They are given the Holy Spirit, and their lives are filled with faith, hope and charity. In marriage, the Holy Spirit permeates every part of the lives of husbands and wives and gives them the capacity to live in love. Marriage is beautifully defined as a community of life and love. Like any of the sacraments, Marriage takes faith. If someone were to receive Holy Communion, even repeatedly, without faith or absent-mindedly, it would little impact on their lives. We need to open ourselves to receive and cooperate with the grace that Jesus gives us in the sacrament. The same is true for Christian marriage. Husbands and wives need to consciously exercise faith, knowing their need for, and asking for the help of the Holy Spirit.
Of the seven sacraments, there are two sacraments of Mission: Marriage and Holy Orders. This means that Marriage, like Holy Orders, is a calling, a vocation. These sacraments of mission call for a going out from ourselves to others, to evangelise, to make holy.
Too often in our time, marriage is understood as something good for the person or the couple only, or for the comfort and the convenience or the fulfilment of just the married couple. In the mission of marriage, husbands and wives first and foremost help each other to receive grace and holiness, and then from them it goes to their children and wider family, and then the faith community and society. It is significant that St Mark in this account of Jesus’s teaching on marriage, puts the importance of children right after it, connecting the two. Marriage expresses itself in the gift of children. Contrary to the culture in that time, Jesus teaches that children are to be nurtured, protected, and valued.
Married couples, living the sacrament in faith, are a witness to the love of God for all humanity, and in a mysterious way they make present the love of Jesus for his Church. This is why we can all consider Jesus’s teaching on marriage. It is not just for those who are happily married. Marriage enriches all of us. We all are blessed by holy, happy marriages among us. And so, we are all called to support and pray for the marriages among us.
Those who are married will be the first to admit that it is not all plain sailing. Married love takes effort and work. The love that constitutes marriage is a love which is selfless and for the other. In his document, Amoris Laetitia, The Joy of Love, Pope Francis has a whole chapter devoted to a meditation on St Paul’s Hymn to Love in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. Pope Francis sees this text on love as being particularly instructive for engaged and married couples. Engaged and married couples would do well to return to this text from 1 Corinthians 13 from time to time, for inspiration and as an examination of conscience. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Pope Francis has often said that husbands and wives should say three things to each other every day: I love you; I’m sorry; and thank you.
While we acknowledge the beauty of the ideal of marriage, and those who are married must over and over again commit themselves to a deepening of their marriage, we as the community of God in this place and others, know of many cases where marriage is difficult and failing, and of cases too where it has failed completely. This calls for pastoral care. No one is beyond the love and mercy of God, and this should be reflected in the Christian community. Pope Francis’ Amoris Laetitia, has a chapter, chapter 8, devoted to the pastoral care of those who are suffering or who have suffered through failed marriages and other comparable family situations.
In some cases when marriages end in divorce, those affected can ask for the possibility of an annulment. After careful investigation a church marriage tribunal might declare a marriage null if it can be shown that there were factors before and at the very beginning which mean that the marriage was not a true sacramental marriage. If an annulment were to be granted, both parties would be free to enter into a marriage which technically would be regarded as their first and only sacramental marriage.
Those who are married are called to deepen their expression of the sacrament by increasingly allowing the Spirit of Christ to penetrate their marriages. Those who struggle and who have failed at marriage, are invited to experience the compassion and mercy of God. We as the people of God are to be Christ to each other, in successes and weaknesses, in good times and bad.
